so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
