New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
