You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
