You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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