we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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