my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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