do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
