I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
