how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
