Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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