Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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