omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize