You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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