ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
