"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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