I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
youre lurking in front of me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
