just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
