We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
