You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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