Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
