I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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