He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Two words: blizzard sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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