so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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