and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
