My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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