my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
