the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
