Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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