the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
