did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
