Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
