i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
