Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
