If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
