just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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