I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
