New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
