how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
