It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Vodka?
Forever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
