We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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