When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
