Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
