I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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