I got chris browned last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
