before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
