Cold hands, warm shart.
I heard we made out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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