So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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