Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
