We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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