just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
