i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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