I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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