My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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