How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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