I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
