I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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