I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can I color on your dick again?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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