Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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