it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
