He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
