I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
where are my eyebrows?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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