I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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