I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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