Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
