They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
