I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
