My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
