I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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