respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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