you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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