then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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