is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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