So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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