i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
