Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
