next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
