one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Small penises have feelings too.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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