I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
