I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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