and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize